Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Signs You've Been in the Hospital Too Long

Here are a few indicators of Hospital Cabin Fever.


The ultimate expression of independence and self-care is a hot shower.

Iggy Azalea knows what I'm talking about: I'm So Fancy!

The gift shop has become your source for accessorizing.

"By adding this $12 scarf to my ensemble, my T shirt and yoga pants become a BRAND NEW OUTFIT!"

Caution: the nursing staff might not recognize you in civilian clothes. If the nighttime security guard asks the reason for your visit, offer a friendly reminder: I'm a real person AND a patient!


You've started collecting memorabilia for the hospital's own scrapbook page.
Too bad they don't have their own line of stickers.

You wear battle wounds as badges of honor.

With bruises like these, who needs tattoos?

You actually begin to memorize your pill-popping schedule.

This handy mnemonic device will help: 
Pain killers before blood pressure meds,
except after stool softeners, 
and when followed by multi-vitamins 
on days ending in y.

You start daydreaming about having your own really-quite-comfortable hospital gown at home.

You know, this can't be that hard to sew.


You assume the call button is included in the patient discharge kit.

What do you mean the nurses stay here when I go home?!

1 comment:

  1. An on call nurse, to your home, would be incredible! I'd be all for that. We need to make that happen.

    ReplyDelete