Thursday, January 6, 2011

What I want from myself in 2011

"Resolutions" always give me pangs of anxiety because I know I'll be disappointed in myself within a month. Or less. But a new year just seems so...well...NEW. 2011! What the heck?! Why not start off optimistic and tidy? A brand new year feels like a blank book before page one is written on, or pencils sharpened for the first time, or my childhood bedroom after Mom helped me re-arrange it, with shadows in new places and clean surfaces and a little startle each time I open the door.

Here's what I want out of life, in my heart of hearts. Not necessarily THIS year, but someday. It feels safer to say "eventually."
  • Travel in the UK with my husband. Live there? Vacation there? Not sure.
  • Go back to Uganda. It's true that Africa gets under your skin and once you've been there, feel some kind of crazy kinship with it. When I hear about people who are working there now or I see pictures like these I feel jealous, like somebody's in my place instead of me. I keep visualizing myself here:
  • Compile some shareable format of my photos, journals, and thoughts. I have mountains of journals, discs filled with pictures and hundreds of memories that whisk past me, but there's got to be a better way to store and share them. This might mean a big scrapbook project. Or publishing a book. Or a giant shadow box (haha).
  • Generate income with my crafty endeavors. Last month I sold enough felt ornaments to buy myself these shoes.
MAN that felt good. I've worn them everyday since I bought them (seriously). Do people really make enough money to live off their hobbies? Inconceivable. I keep telling Hubbins I'm going to make millions every time I have a new brainstorm. He rolls his eyes because he knows I'm so excitable that I'll come up with another bright idea before making enough of anything to have an inventory. But I gave some awesome handmade gifts this year (if I do say so myself).
  • A family. I can't even bring myself to say "I want babies" without quotation marks, because that scares the youknowwhat out of me. But I do want a family. I find myself drawn toward little people lately. Babies are cropping up all over the place. I got to hold my co-worker's newborn last week (as in still-in-the-hospital new, still-wearing-that-weird-umbilical-clip new, still-crunched-in-the-fetal-position new). Oh lordy. I had to keep myself from smothering him in kisses. My sister in law is expecting her first in February; I bought picture books and sewed bibs for Christmas. I'm not even sure I want to publish this in my blog; like once I admit it in writing there's no going back. HELP.
  • Buy a house. Our current townhouse is great, but we won't be here forever. We have no yard. This is not a good place to have kids.
These someday-dreams seem incompatible. I can't schedule them all on my calendar. But there they are.

All my old standard goals still apply: pay off debt, save money, lose weight, write more, be a better wife. But they aren't the accomplishments I want in and of themselves. They are only stepping stones to the bigger goals. And that motivates me.


  1. Don't you dare go and get pregnant yet. We know by our history I won't be far behind. I'm not ready for that!

    Have I mentioned lately how sad I am about how far apart we are? I want to scrapbook with you. I've got boxes and CDs of stuff too. So sad we can't accomplish this goal together.

  2. Wow! You bought shoes with your hobby income. Is that not just the best?! Good for you! And yay for babies! DO IT! (When Jamie says you can, obviously. She makes a valid point.)

  3. Thanks for visiting my blog! I've spent a considerable amount of time in West Africa...always nice to find fellow Afrocentrics.