Thursday, January 6, 2011

What I want from myself in 2011

"Resolutions" always give me pangs of anxiety because I know I'll be disappointed in myself within a month. Or less. But a new year just seems so...well...NEW. 2011! What the heck?! Why not start off optimistic and tidy? A brand new year feels like a blank book before page one is written on, or pencils sharpened for the first time, or my childhood bedroom after Mom helped me re-arrange it, with shadows in new places and clean surfaces and a little startle each time I open the door.

Here's what I want out of life, in my heart of hearts. Not necessarily THIS year, but someday. It feels safer to say "eventually."
  • Travel in the UK with my husband. Live there? Vacation there? Not sure.
  • Go back to Uganda. It's true that Africa gets under your skin and once you've been there, feel some kind of crazy kinship with it. When I hear about people who are working there now or I see pictures like these I feel jealous, like somebody's in my place instead of me. I keep visualizing myself here:
  • Compile some shareable format of my photos, journals, and thoughts. I have mountains of journals, discs filled with pictures and hundreds of memories that whisk past me, but there's got to be a better way to store and share them. This might mean a big scrapbook project. Or publishing a book. Or a giant shadow box (haha).
  • Generate income with my crafty endeavors. Last month I sold enough felt ornaments to buy myself these shoes.
MAN that felt good. I've worn them everyday since I bought them (seriously). Do people really make enough money to live off their hobbies? Inconceivable. I keep telling Hubbins I'm going to make millions every time I have a new brainstorm. He rolls his eyes because he knows I'm so excitable that I'll come up with another bright idea before making enough of anything to have an inventory. But I gave some awesome handmade gifts this year (if I do say so myself).
  • A family. I can't even bring myself to say "I want babies" without quotation marks, because that scares the youknowwhat out of me. But I do want a family. I find myself drawn toward little people lately. Babies are cropping up all over the place. I got to hold my co-worker's newborn last week (as in still-in-the-hospital new, still-wearing-that-weird-umbilical-clip new, still-crunched-in-the-fetal-position new). Oh lordy. I had to keep myself from smothering him in kisses. My sister in law is expecting her first in February; I bought picture books and sewed bibs for Christmas. I'm not even sure I want to publish this in my blog; like once I admit it in writing there's no going back. HELP.
  • Buy a house. Our current townhouse is great, but we won't be here forever. We have no yard. This is not a good place to have kids.
These someday-dreams seem incompatible. I can't schedule them all on my calendar. But there they are.

All my old standard goals still apply: pay off debt, save money, lose weight, write more, be a better wife. But they aren't the accomplishments I want in and of themselves. They are only stepping stones to the bigger goals. And that motivates me.

3 comments:

  1. Don't you dare go and get pregnant yet. We know by our history I won't be far behind. I'm not ready for that!

    Have I mentioned lately how sad I am about how far apart we are? I want to scrapbook with you. I've got boxes and CDs of stuff too. So sad we can't accomplish this goal together.

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  2. Wow! You bought shoes with your hobby income. Is that not just the best?! Good for you! And yay for babies! DO IT! (When Jamie says you can, obviously. She makes a valid point.)

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  3. Thanks for visiting my blog! I've spent a considerable amount of time in West Africa...always nice to find fellow Afrocentrics.

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