Here's what I want out of life, in my heart of hearts. Not necessarily THIS year, but someday. It feels safer to say "eventually."
- Travel in the UK with my husband. Live there? Vacation there? Not sure.
- Go back to Uganda. It's true that Africa gets under your skin and once you've been there, feel some kind of crazy kinship with it. When I hear about people who are working there now or I see pictures like these I feel jealous, like somebody's in my place instead of me. I keep visualizing myself here:
- A family. I can't even bring myself to say "I want babies" without quotation marks, because that scares the youknowwhat out of me. But I do want a family. I find myself drawn toward little people lately. Babies are cropping up all over the place. I got to hold my co-worker's newborn last week (as in still-in-the-hospital new, still-wearing-that-weird-umbilical-clip new, still-crunched-in-the-fetal-position new). Oh lordy. I had to keep myself from smothering him in kisses. My sister in law is expecting her first in February; I bought picture books and sewed bibs for Christmas. I'm not even sure I want to publish this in my blog; like once I admit it in writing there's no going back. HELP.
- Buy a house. Our current townhouse is great, but we won't be here forever. We have no yard. This is not a good place to have kids.
All my old standard goals still apply: pay off debt, save money, lose weight, write more, be a better wife. But they aren't the accomplishments I want in and of themselves. They are only stepping stones to the bigger goals. And that motivates me.